Weekend in the Blue Wilderness

It's 11:10 PM on Sunday night - the last night of the Thanksgiving weekend and I'm hunkering down in the Starbucks on Nassau Street in Princeton. In my caffeine induced state I'm procrastinating on going through my work emails while Ricky studies. I'm wiped-out. This mono thing still has it's claws in me - and certainly my flitting around the East Coast this holiday has not helped. I've been averaging 10 hours of sleep, even while on holiday and I'm still out of it. Sleeping late up here and then home tomorrow night. Caffeine is my God right now. I'm so freaken tired yet amusingly awake from two triple grande lattes (six espresso over-priced yet addictive shots to the uninitiated).

The weekend of meeting the family went especially well. Northern Vermont is beautiful - beyond my expectations. We rented a car at Newark and Hertz upgraded me to a Range Rover which has been fun. Ricky's family (Uncle(s)/Aunt(s) and Parents) live in and amongst some of the prettiest environs I can imagine. Add to that their progressive politics and you can imagine how unique an experience this is/was for me. Strange to be so accepted and welcomed by a boyfriend's parents and extended family. With no apparent preconceptions either. His dad and I watched football, basketball, talked hunting and cars while another moment may have found me playing cards with his Grandmother and Aunts (no pussy games; Poker, for cash).

Sort of crashing out now so I'll add more to my journal later.

Later.

This so bothers me...

So I found out today that my oldest daughter, Kimberly, has been telling people she would not leave my grandson alone with me because I'm Gay.

That's right - WTF. The implications are staggering. Publicly her rational is that she does not want me influencing him - a 20 month old. Like I'm going to indoctrinate him somehow - you know, show him the recruiting film and all of the brochures...

This so bothers me. I can not describe the pain here. And she was just bitching to my ex that I don't spend time with her like I do Kristen. Oh really? As if I didn't already know that she didn't accept me - now.... And what burns me most is that she is just sooo nice and friendly when we are together. It feels so two-faced.

This so bothers me.

Stuff

There are so many things I want to write about but find little strength or ambition to do so. So many topics...

The week with Ricky here in Atlanta was excellent - much to say there... Politics - how disillusioned I am with the blind polarization seemingly everywhere... Hypocrisy - how so many who fight against Gay rights take advantage of the most basic, innate rights won in Lawrence vs Texas... Hate-crimes and hate-crime legislation - how someone can hate someone just because of the color of their skin or who they love... torture - how my own government can imprison and abuse anyone they deem suspicious of terrorism... the "Patriot" act - how my phone calls and emails are no longer private... my career - New York? Chicago? Seattle?... my future - being alone... not being alone...

Paris etc travel log

It's been a while since I updated my journal properly so I figured I would give it a go. So much has happened since last I posted.

October 6th - 16th
HiC and I met up in London on the 6th of October and hopped the EuroRail to Paris. That same night we participated, all night long, in Nuit Blanche - a cultural and arts festival scattered all over Paris running straight through to the morning. We rented an apartment in Paris through Thursday instead of a Hotel room and by far that is the way to go. It was right on the edge of the 4th district (arrondissement) on rue de Rivoli which allowed us to shop and be festive at just about at any hour. The main reason for the trip was to see the sold-out George Michal concert for which we had scored seriously nice tickets. The concert was actually quite good. If he comes to the US I would likely go see him again - how Gay is that?

Thursday we headed out south of Paris to a Guest-house and enjoyed the company of several new friends. The house is an old, yet very large, French Country house that has facilities for up to 24 guests. Nice and quite during the day and lots of fun at night. I recommend going if you are ever to spend time in and around Paris. Fred, one of the co-owners, is an amazing chef and the meals we were served could easily have been plated at any up-scaled French restaurant. Well worth the 75 Euros per night (which included 3 meals a day and all the wine lunch and dinner we could stand). While there we went off with one couple and toured around a bit near the demarcation between northern and southern France. We visited several Mid-evil churches and even one from the 9th century that pre-dated the country of France itself.

Back to London on Saturday to meet up with Jeff, HiC's Partner, doing the tourist thing Sunday including a tour of the London Bridge Dungeons and the remainder of the day at the Tate Modern Museum. Sunday evening Jeff and HiC managed to score reservations to Jamie Oliver's (The Naked Chef) restaurant Fifteen in Huxton. (Note the Trivia on the Wiki entry if you follow the link - classic politicians all partisianship aside). Jokes about English cooking aside, this place was very good. Even in light of our week in France. Stiff competition indeed.

It was nice to get home again Monday. The 10 hour flight from Gatwick to Atlanta went quickly as I slept at least 8 hours of the flight missing the business class meal and all of the other goodies. That's okay, All I was looking for was a comfortable place to crash the hours away which I received in spades.

October 20th - 23rd
Friday of last week could not come quickly enough for me. Even though my house is trashed from being just a trampoline point between travels for 6 weeks (mail and newspapers stacked up) I was excited to leave again; this time for Providence Rhode Island to visit Ricky. We had been apart for 23 days (tough life, I know) but it seemed worse due to the time zone difference between Europe and the East Coast. Rhode Island was a major event for me in that it was time to meet the best friends (twins) and potentially a few family members (eek! ;-) I survived and we had a wonderful time for sure. Unfortunately we were too busy partying and such with the friends (Heather and Heidi) that we didn't get the chance. The fact we also didn't have our own car played some into it too - but we can take the blame and say we were just too busy. Sunday we were to take the "quick trip" from Rhode Island to Newark and train down to Princeton. I emphasize "quick trip" because even though our flight was scheduled for 1PM we didn't get home to Princeton until 8 PM or so. In hind-sight taking the Train all the way would have been faster, and more relaxing. Traveling, especially by air, is not always fun.

Waking Monday in the AM I had to haul myself down to the Princeton train station at 5 AM to catch my train into the City (or near there abouts - Newark). It was interesting to see the crowds of commuters - people watching is a sport after all.

So I'm home again and off to Mom's for dinner tonight. Trivia Tuesday for sure and then Ricky comes Thursday for a week where we will be celebrating Halloween in Midtown and staying at a Bed and Breakfast near the park.

Well, that's all for now. I'm sure life will present new and unusual twists soon enough and I'll be back in this editor thinking it all through.

Paris

After an overnight flight into London, a train to Paris, then an all night party (Nuit Blanche) I crashed hard today (Sunday) and slept 18 hours - yikes! I guess all of the travel preceding contributed big. I feel great now and back to bed soon but wanted to post and say hello to everyone.

Live from New York

Sitting in Starbucks on the upper west side a few blocks south of Columbia University. Ricky's working on his Anthropology stuff, I'm working at nothing much at all. It's good.

We didn't make it to the game today though we spent a bit of time on campus yesterday. We're on our way to Ricky's fraternities homecoming party which shall be fun I am sure. Pirates of course, never Ninjas.

The hotel my travel agent hoked us up with is on 54th near Broadway - so not too far from Times Square and all of the touristy stuff - though we've typically stayed clear of that.
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An interesting thing happened Thursday. A recruiter called and pitched me on a position with her client's firm - Director of Professional Services for a major ERP software company. Based in NYC. This is without question what I currently do and I have about double their experience requirements :-) Shall be interesting...
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My divorce settlement is final. I was able to trade Laurie a pile of assets for the alimony so I'm pretty much a free man in those terms. I also set up an educational trust for Kristen so regardless of what happens to me, or where I'll find myself, she is taken care of. So all in all, life is truly starting anew, albeit with some really excellent advantages. A smart-funny-cute boyfriend, my kids, a great relationship with the ex, and nothing holding me back.

I want to Dance

I want to dance. I want to slow dance until the early hours of the morning.

I want to wake. I want to wake on a beach at sunrise, walk hand in hand, and share the cool comfortable sheets of an overstuffed bed for the remains of the day.

I want to walk. I want to walk through a New England wood deep in fall color, the crisp breeze bringing our hands together, our bodies closer as we smile.

I want to sit. I want to sit by a fire on a snowy day, as one, drawn to our books, to each other, to our lives.

I want to live. I want to live by the sea where the sun shines warm and the waves crash among us as we play.

I want to dance.

First Visit

Bouncing along on the train heading home, I realize how lucky I actually am. I mean, I'm not lottery lucky or anything but still, it was a great weekend and the next 11 days can't pass by quick enough for me. Ricky and I really hit it off as we knew we would having begun this weeks and weeks ago while he was in France. And soon I'm to be in France yet I to a small degree wish I were spending that time in Princeton.

Tons of travel on the horizon for me. Back to Atlanta for a software conference tomorrow. Next week I'm in Chicago the 24th-26th for another conference. That Thursday to Sunday (28th-Oct 1st) I'm in NY with Ricky for assorted fun and the Columbia homecoming game. Monday the 2nd I fly from NY to LA to attend yet another software conference, this time in Santa Barbara returning on the red-eye the morning of October 5th. That evening Stacy and I are going to go see the Indigo Girls at the Tabernacle (shall be fun). And then finally on October 6th I leave for Paris for the George Michael concert (and my last merit badge before I become a Gay-scout) by way of London and back again on the 15th. A week at home and then Ricky will be coming to Atlanta the weekend before Halloween. Halloween in Midtown - this too shall be fun.

A pretty intensive month to come :) *note to self: sleeeep*

Pretty much sums it up.

New boy

Well boys there is a new guy in my life.

His name is Lance and he really caught me by surprise. We met at the mall earlier today. He's kind of young but ya'know - I may never learn.

It's been an amazing day. We ended up over at my place and after a pretty intense day took a nap together. He was so cute laying across my chest. Such pretty eyes too.

Not to bore you but here's a picture of Lance.

Our worlds change, our friends fade

One disadvantage of being 40 is the insight into relationships, friendships, acquaintances and how those that we may enjoy at any one moment in our day to day lives will in almost every case inevitably fade; become distant memories and sometimes not even that.

We each go off to school, graduate, get married and start families, get our first jobs in a city far away. Meet other people. Eventually we loose touch. It happens. It will happen.

I look at the current friendships, relationships I’m involved in now and see all the potential for divergent futures, all the events to happen in all of the lives over the next 20 years. Just like the last 20.

These are not bad things; not even sad things. They just are. They will happen.

I’ve connected with so many new people and some from my past in on LJ and MySpace, through email, IM, other communities that I have a hope for the future that some of the connections, the relationships we have now can indeed withstand the tides of time.

The hunt and other assorted diversions of the mind

Well this IS getting interesting.

The Dearborn gig is lucrative but it means I will have to leave Atlanta, leave Kristen. Which is something I was prepared for at one point but I'm not sure it's worth it now.

The Atlanta leads are promising but we will see. I need to take my time and move for what I think will enhance my career, not just allow me to be out. That part is paramount but, I still need to think about the future.

I can take off for a few years now without a problem but I think eventually I might drive myself crazy. There is the thought of maybe starting my own business - but I have too many ideas right now to filter them down into anything real. The consulting gig is cool but I would still have to deal with the same issues with being professionally out. I've thought about funding a medical practice - anti-aging, plastic surgery, bariatrics. I have the jack and background for it but finding/hiring the right doctor(s) for it and such will be a pain. My personal doc and I have talked about it and she might be up for it. Her practice now is so terribly managed and could use a business mind.
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Anyway.

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Still shooting for a bit of travel this year. I'm taking a trip to Alaska June 3 - 17 to help my dad pack up, sell, and move. He does not travel/fly well so I'm being the dutiful son. Other than the first week I'll be available to do whatever while I'm there. Burning Man is still on the docket. It begins on my birthday so with that being free I'm set to make the festival.
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Hoping to make another big ride soon. May shoot for this weekend unless I'm helping someone move. Which is a possibility. But if not I have to hit the road early as it's already started to pop 90 + degrees here.
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Seriously considering some night life in MidTown this week so if there are any of my local friends who want to go hang out IM me. I need to fill the void or something like that.

A few more thoughts

A friend of mine recently lamented in a post about the love found in a relationship and how it's possible, even likely, that the pursuit of physical, nearly anonymous intimacy is our way of trying to fill the void we have in our lives when we are without that love. Recently I've begun to agree.

I tried to fill that void this weekend, the void I've most recently fallen into.

I think the way someone is intimately is a direct representation of who they are personally - it's a direct image of a person's true nature. Some are givers in bed, always wanting to give to their lovers. Others are caring nurturers more concerned with growing the experience. And others are takers concerned only with how they get off. I believe these traits to be windows into who a person is. The giver, the nurturer, the taker.
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So with all that this past week has seen I need to put some things out into the bit-stream.
This past Saturday would have been Brian and my 3-month and we were going to spend it like a lot of couples, anniversary style I guess. Dinner at a nice place, ya know.

The last real hurdle for me in coming out has been and is being "out" professionally. In the industry my software consulting practice serves (manufacturers) there is very little chance that being out could work. It is a very blue collar environment and even if lip-service were given to me being Gay, I feel certain that consulting projects would be withheld or perhaps not even offered for bid due to it. I am responsible for generating the project business for over 35 people. 35 different families depend on me doing my job. Being out carried too much risk of impacting those families.

So last Saturday the plan at dinner was to surprise Brian and tell him about something I've been doing about it. He knows some of it but not all so, here it goes. I've begun to interview with several firms for various though similar executive positions. 4 firms at present. Three in Atlanta whom I was connected to through the The Atlanta Executive Network and one in Detroit. I've had calls with all of them and a second deeper discussion that included money-talk with the firm in Dearborn.

I know how important it is for me and my partner, assuming that to be my fate, to be out and open in all facets of my life. It was a small contention for both Brian and I individually and as a couple. So I was working to correct that for us and now, for myself and whatever the future may hold for me.
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So I reinstated my Yahoo Personals profile. It's been a bit nuts. Looks like a few possibilities, as some 20 yr olds again. I'm not sure I can go there right off - I'm not sure if I'm ready for any of it.
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Peace.

Single

I spent most of the night sitting 3 feet away from the railroad tracks contemplating the futility of it all. I had never loved before this, that is so very obvious now. 8 trains blew past and the power of it over came my despair.

I just came home from the longest ride (cycle) I've done since I competed in college. 5 hours and about 80 miles. From here to past-Winder and back. I was essentially shaking my fist at God, daring him to strike me down; abusing my body, burning the pain from my mind. I think I may need to go get pumped full of fluids again but it's all good. I feel better and God and I had a long long discussion about all the bullshit - most of it on my part, maybe all of it.

I feel cleansed. I'm not sure if I'm moving on or just in denial but either way I'm not where I was. Like I said last night before I died, I'm not sure what tomorrow has in store for me, no less what the next hour may bring. One thing is certain, I'll be there until the last second.

Thank you all for your words and support - I've been a mess recently and time off from the dating thing might be best. I'm not going to go looking for a relationship.

I pray that Brian can find happiness on the path he's chosen. I can't guarantee my heart will still be around. I love him deeply still and would likely consider being together with him again but either way I'll always try to be there for him as a friend.

Many of you are shaking your head at me having been through relationships that didn't work, that hurt. But you all know my story or should by now. Laurie and I were together since I was 17. She was the last girlfriend I had in a line of constant girlfriends dating back to when I was 11. So I've never felt pain. Even my divorce and coming out, while painful in many ways, doesn't nearly compare to this. So I understand a bit better why people would occasionally cyber-bitch-slap me at times.

This has hardened me. Like so many of you seem to have been hardened, jaded. My sorrow is really now for the next person in my life. I hope I can love as deeply; that I can dive in so blindly. Before I was like a child who didn't know the fear of playing with matches. Now that I'm good and burned I have a much greater respect, and maybe fear, of the whole idea. I'll apologize now to the next guy for that.

Peace friends.

Pet Skin Purses

It never ceases to amaze me how some people are. I took this picture this morning while on my ride. The shop owner was quite indignant when I asked if I could get an extra-large chihuahua purse made... Go figure.

Not that I'm a purse carrying man-bag kind of guy but I mean, you tell me; what would you think this sign means?

Hot Love in the Prague Airport

Yes that's right. A whole week away from my boyfriend and I had to resort to buying some Hot Love in, of all places, the airport in Prague. Not only that but as kinky as this sounds Stacy (my co-worker) actually shared in some of my Hot Love - right there in the middle of the airport. I'm not very proud of it. But I do have to admit the Hot Love for sale in the Prague airport is well, orgasmic.

So alas, I broke down. But I think most would forgive me ;)

ATL Thrashers Hockey Game tonight

Work today was a mess - so many things piled up waiting for me after almost 2 weeks having been gone. So yeah, that sucked. But Chad, one of the consultants in my division called and invited me to go to the Thrashers game tonight against the Islanders. Which was excellent.

While we were there though we noticed just above and to the right behind us in one of the box sections sat the Rock band Nickelback along with a couple of the members of Trapt. We struck up a conversation with Chad Kroeger and he invitede us to come up to his box to hang out. It was neat that nobody else around us recognized them and I think that's one reason he invited us up.

I'm not typically star struck but it's was amazing. I've been mesmerized by the drum fill at the beginning of "Follow You Home" for quite a while and to hang out and talk with Danny Adair about what he's doing was amazing.

So anyway, here are some pics of Chad and I with Kroeger - as usual, terrible pic of me. I need to smile more I guess but Chad caught me by surprise.

The Meanest Season

The meanest season

Michael was beautiful. Blond, tall, lean like the surfer he was. That’s where we met, surfing. He lived in Seagate, a neighborhood I walked through on my way to the beach to surf. I guess my board caught his eye. While I had seen him often on the break we had never talked – I was too afraid – he was too beautiful. But he yelled out to me one day as I was heading towards the beach. This dark tan kid in flip-flops and a white puka-shell necklace; how glad I was that he did, asking me my name and automatically friending me. We were 15 then. He went to Naples high and me, just two blocks away went to Barron. But walking to the beach together with our boards in hand seemed like my biggest dream come true, because in my closeted existence he was the object of my crush. The water was flat that day, like many in Naples. We really only got good waves when a hurricane blew past or maybe in the winter when a front would pass through the area but that never stopped us from walking to the beach every day in hopes of something ridable.

That summer we ended up fishing more than surfing, an unusually quiet hurricane season. But a season for cementing friendships; a mean season perhaps. That friendship wasn’t an everyday friendship, the different schools we went to insured that. And we weren’t connected like we are now; cell phones, IM, email, Myspace, the Internet in general. But for the few times the winter waves were up and for those next two summers we were inseparable.

Looking back across those years the attraction, the love we had for each other was overwhelming. But it was a different time, and I was so frightened of this person I was, the real person inside.

Eventually that attraction won over; it was a shared fear, a shared secret we had both had for those few years. I think I may have broken Michaels’ heart, like I seem to do with those I love, when I turned away and hid in my ready-made family.

I can’t help but feel that I caused Mike to (my God I haven’t called him that since we were last together, or actually since the night I cried when I heard he had died)… to turn down the path he did. He oft told me about it, wanted me to give it a try.

Michael’s death in 1985 was one of those “fork stuck in the road” moments. The path I had taken was for sure different than his back in 83, and his death a few years later allowed me to look at myself and make other choices, turn down the road I’m on. It sounds odd but I thank Michael for that. And Michael (Mike), I am so sorry. Things could have been so different.

I wish I had told him just one last time that I loved him. I wish he knew right now.

You never know when the last time you’ll see someone, talk to some, say you love them is.

The summer of 1980 was the meanest season –

The Journey

Listening to Sean Kagalis at 37 Main tonight. He's covering some throaty ballad - hauntingly – and through the music I'm eerily drawn to the places I've yet to go. Dark lonely places shuffling along among people on their last ride, loud night clubs listening to a Bauhaus clone - moving to the music with the other Lost Souls, the Gothic youth with their died black hair, their eye liner outlining sunken, sullen eyes. To be on the beach at Monterey watching the sea take shape with the dawn rising behind me, or by a solitary fire looking deep inside myself in the quiet solitude of my soul.

It all comes down to the trip we are all on; the journey to death's friendly embrace oh so many, many years from now, or perhaps on our way home from our jobs/classes today.

Sharing those roads with someone is ultimately the goal for most of us. Whether it's the professor-to-be among us, the poet, the actor, the meteorologist, or the musician. As humans we seek to belong, to know that we are loved and that we have someone to love.

I've belonged and I've been loved, and still do to some extent with my ex-wife although daily I see that evolving into a more distant existence. But to love, or truly be loved - not the love of friends or family but the love of poets, of sunny spring days in the south of France, of gentle walks and waterfalls in the mountains, and of tears at the bedside of a lost partner when you're 80 – that deep place in ones soul that can't ever be replaced once lost - Its that love that we seek. That I am hopeful of -

I care little for what others think – I'm a gay man - raised in a family of tough men straight out of the Maine woods, the roadhouses of the depression - men whose masculinity was defined by the other men they've bested - and now I'm just like them - constantly out to prove my manhood to myself - yet I'm the paradox.

So my journey - now and in the days ahead will be of my own making - without preconception or concern for the expectations of others. I love who I love - regardless of what others may think. I am who I am, walk the paths I walk, and dare any man to take from me my freedom to be, to love, to live as I will. Be it in the dark places where those on their last journey congregate, in a sandy beach watching the ship float by - or with someone special in all of those places or wherever else that may be.

My 17th year...

My 17th year was perhaps the most defining of all of my years up to then or since until this past year. Sure there were moments of victory, glory, pain, sorrow, birth, death. That's life. But no other year until this past had witnessed more apparent pivotal moments than when I was 17.

The year was 1983, the year of the J Giles Band and Centerfold, Foreigner-4 and Juke Box Hero, going undefeated in varsity soccer only to loose out in the state playoffs to Jacksonville-Boles (I think). I was a senior in high school and in all honesty, it wasn't much different then any of the preceding years. I had always been popular with my older brother preceding me. Everyone knew me through him and it grew from there - to his consternation I'm sure. Christina was off at Brown and I really didn't have much contact with her which is sad - she would have been a great influence but was indeed too "grown up" to mess with a little HS boy like me.

That fall Laurie actually asked me out to the Sadie Hawken's dance. Even though I was casually dating Melissa (aka Super Tongue) I accepted and soon there after began dating Laurie exclusively. Laurie was by no means popular and hung out mainly with the drama geeks. We got along fine I suppose, yet at the same time, perhaps because I knew inside who the real me was, I had my first same-sex experience with another boy my age, Michael. In that I found a pure confirmation of who I was on that side of things but was to find out who I was on a much deeper level soon enough.

Four months into dating Laurie she told me and her parents that she was five months pregnant (math time kids). So without a doubt the child was not mine but it struck me very clearly what this likely meant for Laurie. You see, growing up in ultra-affluent Naples Florida you just didn't see teenage mothers. That was something that happened in Miami, in the inner city. Not in whiteville. And without a doubt, Laurie's life was at a crossroads, as was mine. She faced ostracism, ridicule, alienation - hell for her last two years of high school and who knows what should he self esteem survive that. So very clearly I stepped forward and claimed Kimberly as my own child - even though she was in no was possibly mine (math remember). And it's certainly not because we were not sexually active, I lost my virginity at age 13.

I guess I did this consciously for two reasons and I'm not sure my altruism should be extolled so much. The fact is I was still hiding my sexuality. Both it from people and me from it. And what better way. But also, perhaps as a supreme rationalization, I knew that if Kimberly, Laurie's unborn daughter was seen to be mine, then Laurie and Kimberly would be accepted into our shallow High School world. I was popular - criminally so - not a jock or whatever, but someone everyone wanted to know and party with.

Neither of our sets of parents could understand why I would claim Kimberly. Just didn't understand the High School social dynamic I guess. But We/I finally forced them to understand the severity of my wish that they keep this to themselves. And without question we received hell from a few teachers. In fact, an English teacher I looked up to quite a bit prevented me from receiving an academic student honor one month - and I'm certain it's because he didn't approve of me. He died a very early death but I can still remember his smiling, approving face at my wedding reception when he shook my hand, a college graduate and fulfilling what I'm sure he saw as my duty as the father of this child.

The months came and went. We won the district soccer championship, I ran track, other things of little importance - yet the play was cast and the next 23 years were set into motion. When Kimberly was born I was unfortunately not there as I was participating in the State Jazz Band contest finals at the University of Miami. So many responsibilities have gotten in the way of life's real moments - yet I have no regrets here. Graduation came and I prepared to go off to Georgia Southern. I knew that I would marry Laurie, in spite of my true self. I knew I had made a commitment and that like everything else in my life, I would not quit once that commitment had been made. A small brown-eyed little girl depended on it.

You see, I'm not sure why for sure. I really don't think any of us knows why we choose the paths we do in life. Perhaps this path was a path I turned away from in a previous life (Buddhist, remember) or perhaps I just felt I knew that this thing was right.

Laurie had a happy and successful High school experience and went on to join me at Georgia Southern where together we finished out degrees, little girl in tow. There weren't a lot of college parties for me - but a lot of great ballet recitals and tender hugs. I wouldn't give any of that up - even in trade for the last 23 years of missed opportunities. Because the opportunities and realizations I had during those years defined me beginning with that one evening, so long ago, where I made that decision to be the man I am today.

So, that's the story. Condensed.

Peace.

Sleeping with Ghosts or...Things that go bump in the night...

Guess it's not surprising that an old 1920's house might have a few um.. well, peculiarities.

First off, no I was not drinking or doing any form of hallucinogen - honest. No, really.

The cats had been freaky all night Tuesday. Running around, fighting, playing, generally out of control. Now I had been hearing all sorts of bumbs and bangs that night; noises you expect from an old house sometimes - nothing I was too concerned about. The center candle on my fireplace mantle kept going out, but no big deal I thought. Then, sometime around 2 AM (Wednesday Morning), I was walking down the hallway towards my bedroom. Not sure why I was heading that way, I actually quite forgot because about 10 feet from the bedroom the door, which opens into the room, swung deliberately closed. Now, this is a door that has remained open for the last 2 weeks straight. It is actually off balanced and stays open unless you deliberately pull it latched. *chills*.

At first I thought it was Pounce and Prissy playing but when I turned (to haul ass) they were standing right behind me in the hall.

Finally shaking it off I went down the hall and opened the door back up to find nothing special. Ten minutes later while brushing my teeth in route to sleepdom I kept hearing the back door on the screen porch slam again and again like it was caught in the wind.

Suburban warrior that I am, armored in my boxers (hereto referred to as Boxer-boy), I ventured through the kitchen and onto the screened porch to find that in fact both doors were latched tight - yet without a doubt these were the source of the banging as I gave a few test slams... Something strange was happening here as they were latched and there was no wind. *on cue, spooky music starts now*

So quickly Boxer-boy retreated to the safety of his bed to let the night pass as it may. A little trouble sleeping as the banging door persisted - not too intensely but enough to get my attention.

Last night was cool, very quiet actually, even with all of the wind (heh heh um.. yeah, um..). Maybe too quiet. Except my stereo came on around 4 AM. I really didn't process it when I got up to turn it off but it was quite a bit louder than I had it when I shut it off. *nervously laughs* Maybe my drumming has awakened Casper.

I'm not too worried about it though - sort of fun actually. I know this is where the audience tells me to get the fuck out but alas like all other horror movie victims I can't hear yooooou.