A few more thoughts

A friend of mine recently lamented in a post about the love found in a relationship and how it's possible, even likely, that the pursuit of physical, nearly anonymous intimacy is our way of trying to fill the void we have in our lives when we are without that love. Recently I've begun to agree.

I tried to fill that void this weekend, the void I've most recently fallen into.

I think the way someone is intimately is a direct representation of who they are personally - it's a direct image of a person's true nature. Some are givers in bed, always wanting to give to their lovers. Others are caring nurturers more concerned with growing the experience. And others are takers concerned only with how they get off. I believe these traits to be windows into who a person is. The giver, the nurturer, the taker.
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So with all that this past week has seen I need to put some things out into the bit-stream.
This past Saturday would have been Brian and my 3-month and we were going to spend it like a lot of couples, anniversary style I guess. Dinner at a nice place, ya know.

The last real hurdle for me in coming out has been and is being "out" professionally. In the industry my software consulting practice serves (manufacturers) there is very little chance that being out could work. It is a very blue collar environment and even if lip-service were given to me being Gay, I feel certain that consulting projects would be withheld or perhaps not even offered for bid due to it. I am responsible for generating the project business for over 35 people. 35 different families depend on me doing my job. Being out carried too much risk of impacting those families.

So last Saturday the plan at dinner was to surprise Brian and tell him about something I've been doing about it. He knows some of it but not all so, here it goes. I've begun to interview with several firms for various though similar executive positions. 4 firms at present. Three in Atlanta whom I was connected to through the The Atlanta Executive Network and one in Detroit. I've had calls with all of them and a second deeper discussion that included money-talk with the firm in Dearborn.

I know how important it is for me and my partner, assuming that to be my fate, to be out and open in all facets of my life. It was a small contention for both Brian and I individually and as a couple. So I was working to correct that for us and now, for myself and whatever the future may hold for me.
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So I reinstated my Yahoo Personals profile. It's been a bit nuts. Looks like a few possibilities, as some 20 yr olds again. I'm not sure I can go there right off - I'm not sure if I'm ready for any of it.
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Peace.