tears, laughter, oh how my heart cries

Laurie and I told the kids tonight about our divorce. She went to Kimberly's home, I stayed home and talked to Kristen. I'm not yet sure how it went yet with Kimberly, I can only hope for the best. Kristen was crushed at first, and I couldn't keep any more secrets from her so I came out to her. She is so very supportive. Sad still but fully understands now. Her she and her girl-friend are together now, and will be spending the night together. Something laurie and I expected and are comfortable with.

Like I had said, I'm not sure how Kimberly took it nor if Laurie ended up telling her the whole story. It's true she and I are not compatible any more, do not love each other as lovers, but I have always told Laurie that if she ever felt she needed to explain it to anyone that she was free to share my sexuality with them.

I'm sad, and I'm happy. Kristen is amazing. She accepts me for who I am, as I had hoped. I can only pray that Laurie is not having too rough a time of it with Kimberly.

My heart is still heavy. A milestone moment.

UPDATE:::
As I expected, Laurie told Kimberly about my sexuality. And unfortunately, as expected, she does not accept it. She says she loves me, but that being Gay is a choice. That if we were active in church I wouldn't be this way. Nice. It's going to be a long long road.

I'm so tired of being here

I love my in-laws I suppose - but I'm so tired of George's bullshit. At dinner tonight he flatly told Kristen "he" would disown her if she got her tongue pierced. Disown her? What the fuck. He doesn't own her now. Having just about had it with their attitudes against Gays I took him to task very quickly - and he couldn't defend himself. This is in spite of the fact that Kristen has no interest in getting her tongue pierced. But once she's 18 she can pierce herself to her heart's content.

I think I'm just being hyper-sensitive right now knowing that likely this will be the last evening I will be welcome in their home, or at the beach house, or the apartment on BW in NY, or the apartment in Downtown Chicago. But honestly, I can't wait for "this last evening" to be over with. We'll be out of here by 4 AM. Laurie and I own a 5th part of a real estate LLC through this family - in which the ownership of the beach house and City Apartments is vested (among other things). Our share is worth about $1.5M. It will be interesting to see if they will approach me with a buy-out once Laurie and I divorce. If not then, perhaps once they know I'm Gay.

Sorry to be so bitter right now over something that may not even be realized. I've done very well down here this long-weekend but my thoughts on everything have been growing. I'm dealing well, but I'm ready to get going - on everything.

A walk in the clouds, rainy though they may be sometimes - in the shadow of a Total Eclipse

At age 11 I knew who I was, but could not accept it. At age 17 I accepted it, but had made a commitment to a young fatherless child and that child's mother. At age 39, after seeing that beautiful little girl to adulthood and a family of her own, my youngest daughter become president of her high school's GSA, and my own life slipping past me as I continued to live my lie, I began to wake; wake to the truth.

The truth is evident. I am a 40 year old Gay man. Forty years of life experiences. Twenty-nine years of sexual suppression. Four months of being myself; even if I'm stressed and not yet ready for prime time.

For those who are my friends, those who stick with me through all of this, and even those who can't hang in there - thank you.

Perhaps I'm just a fool.


There’s too much work and I’m spent
There’s too much pressure and I'm bent
I got no time to move ahead
Have you heard one thing that I’ve said

And all these little things in life they all create this haze
There’s too many things to get done, and I’m running out of days

And I can’t last here for so long
I feel this current it’s so strong
It gets me further down the line
It gets me closer to the light

And all these little things in life they all create this haze
There’s too many things to get done, and I’m running out of days

All these little things in life they all create this haze
There’s too many things to get done, and I’m running out of days

Will all these little things in life they all create this haze
And now I’m running out of time I can’t see through this haze
My friend tell me why it has to be this way
There’s too many things to get done, and I’m running out of days


Thanks anyway.